This photo was taken this morning. It's my suitcase from my trip to Brisbane last week with Sebastian.
We returned home 8 days ago, which is also about the time I started feeling unwell. Unwell with COVID symptoms. Yes, it finally happened, we've all had COVID here in the Leonardi house. It's been an added worry on top of an already anxious and honestly, cruel week.
Since returning home, I haven't been able to 'unpack'. Not my suitcase, nor my emotions. Overwhelmed with feeling frozen in time - a familiar feeling - not wanting to commit to our return home, just yet. We didn't receive much good news in Brisbane and were left with the all too common 'we'll be in touch' outcome. After confirming that the tumour is continuing to grow, it was agreed that action needed to be taken but what and when, needed to be planned and considered with great care and precision - which would take T.I.M.E.
Totally appreciate this.
Trouble is, whilst the medical team discuss options and investigate alternatives, we are left waiting. Wondering weather or not we'll receive a call to get back on the plane and return to QCH for immediate treatment, or not hear anything at all. I figured, my suitcase is packed, I might as well leave it that way so I can take off in a hurry if needed. So in the physical sense, I've been walking past my suitcase on our dining room table for the last week, trying to ignore it and not make eye contact. It's inconvenient and bulky presence has also weighed heavily on my emotional stillness, neither sad nor happy, just still.
I'm so grateful for our gold standard medical team and medical resources in this wonderful country, it's just hard. I feel like this sort of news will never be easy to hear, nor will I ever get used to it. Emotional baggage is normal to carry, it's how we manage it determines how it manifests in each of us. Here's a great article for those of us who need a little help, unpacking some of our baggage...
In an effort to process the ups and downs, I've recently begun writing again and am excited to share that I've written a children's book. Titled 'My Brother Sebastian', and told from the perspective of a girl who's brother is diagnosed with cancer, the book focuses on helping siblings of sick kids deal with the emotions and fears that come with a childhood cancer diagnosis. I'm excited to continue to help those effected by childhood cancer, especially the children, and will keep you posted on this new journey with 'My Brother Sebastian'.
For anyone struggling with a difficult medical situation or any kind of adversity, I'm loving new resources such as the Resilience Journal & The Inner Game Journal. Check out the links below.
And don't forget to follow Boy of Steel on Facebook & Instagram: boslittlesebastian and of course, my website www.crystalleonardi.com