People pleasing: the hidden cost of 'yes'

Input versus Outcome: Why People-Pleasing is Costing You More Than You Think

As a business owner, creative, and ambitious leader, I’m wired to care. I care about results, reputation, and relationships. However, often that means I fall into the exhausting trap of doing everything for everyone. But here’s the reality: not all effort is equal.

And not all outcomes are worth the input.

Many of us unconsciously default into people-pleasing mode. We say “yes” when we want to say “no.” We take on clients that drain us. We overdeliver to meet unspoken expectations. Why? Because we’ve been conditioned to believe that the value of our work is measured by how happy others are with us, rather than the actual impact or alignment of what we're doing.

It feels safer to be pleasing than to risk letting someone down. But this mindset creates a dangerous imbalance between input (your time, energy, and resources) and outcome (actual results, value, or return).

Ask Yourself:

• Is the outcome of this task proportionate to what I’m putting in?

• Am I doing this because it aligns with my goals and lights me up? Or because I want someone’s approval/praise?

• Will this effort actually propel my business or will it ware me down?

If the answer isn’t clear, you’re likely operating from obligation rather than intention.

Rebalancing: Equal Input and Outcome

The solution isn’t to do less, it’s to do less of what doesn’t matter. Here’s how to start:

1. Create Your Internal Metrics

Stop measuring success by other people’s reactions. Instead, define what success looks like for you. For example:

• Did this task bring you closer to a goal?

• Did it leave you feeling satisfied or depleted?

• Did it create long-term value?

When you focus on internal outcomes, your work becomes more purposeful and less reactive.

2. Set Boundaries That Protect Your Energy

Every “yes” is a “no” to something else. Be intentional. If the return on investment of your effort is low, whether financially, emotionally, or energetically, it’s not worth doing. Politely decline, redirect, or renegotiate expectations.

3. Use the Input/Outcome Equation

Think of tasks like this:

Input (Time + Energy + Money) vs. Outcome (Impact + Value + Alignment)

Before committing, pause and ask: Is this worth it? If it’s a lopsided equation, it’s a no, or at least a “not now.”

For Business Owners: Stay in Your Lane

If you're running a business, you’ve probably felt the pressure to keep up - more offers, more content, more visibility, more “yes.” But growth doesn’t happen from scattered hustle. It comes from staying in your lane, refining focus, and consistently delivering value where it counts.

Tips for staying grounded:

• Build around your strengths, not trends.

• Outsource or eliminate tasks that drain rather than grow your business.

• Trust that simplicity scales. Complication doesn’t equal success.

• Remember: You can’t be everything to everyone. And you don’t need to be.

So, choose intention over obligation.

When you start measuring your tasks by their true outcomes and not by how happy they make others, you’ll find yourself working with more purpose, more ease, and more alignment.

You’ll stop running in circles and start moving forward.

You don’t need to do more to be valuable.

You just need to make sure your input is building the outcome you actually want.

Special thanks to my mentor Chantal Munro (www.chantalfairy.com) for your guidance and Lauren Margaritis – The Perimenopause Coach (Facebook) for our conversation this week that reminded me to remain focused on what lights my fire, rather than what I think I should be doing.

And I can't forget Nicola Baker (moyamoyaaustralia.org.au) who shares the struggle with me. Pictured here with me on our way home from Melbourne recently.